More Bessel van der Kolk on Safety…
“… mind, body, and brain need to be convinced that it is safe to let go. That happens only when you feel safe at a visceral level …”
Safety Is No. 1… No Safety = No Progress
I asked if his wife feels safe and what he is doing to cultivate safety for her …
He stammered and didn’t give a clear answer.
Betrayed Partners: Have You Heard the "Filing Cabinet" Metaphor?
Suddenly, you cannot simply look up a memory or a truth. Everything is contaminated.
What’s Your Role? Ancient & Indigenous Wisdom Helps in Addiction & Infidelity Recovery
It’s not all about you. The addicted, disillusioned mind tries to tell you it is.
Giving Away the Bride
Traditionally, the bride's father walks his daughter down the aisle and places her hand into the groom's hand … What is he communicating in this simple gesture?
Don’t Hit the F*ck “It” Button. Hit the F*ck “That” Button.
Do something different to get a different result … or the struggles continue.
Accepting Consequences Frees the Unfaithful to Change
Where they need to, and can go next. Accepting your pain.
My Picker's Broken: Betrayal. Staying with Him, Starting Over, or Going It Alone?
Compulsive users are expert liars, and you need to be an expert lie and liar detector.
Repair After Infidelity Requires You to Be Present
Part of her disbelief in all this is that you convinced her you were “here for her”. Evidence shows you were not.
Mindstates, Habits, and Decisions: No One Is Immune
From the richest to the poorest, your mindstate matters. Read an excerpt from How to be Rich.
What Do Mind-Altering Drugs, Porn, and Unicorn Blood Have in Common?
Not a lot, but they can certainly mess you up … and your relationship.
Cleaning Up Your Mess: Pause the Oars, Get Quiet, Clarity Arises
With clarity comes direction, then energy becomes available to take wise action. You can’t not.
Don’t Think That Reading the Book Gets You Off the Hook of Doing It Yourself
She wants to love you. Help her to love you.
Infidelity. Take Off My Mask, David? Are You Insane?
Opening the door to acceptance, learning, change, and healing. Experience a little magic.
What Are You Not Saying?
Dealing with betrayal, infidelity, addictions, or compulsions? This should be #1 on your list of recovery strategies.
Being OK with Not Being OK, Bluffing and Marriage Vows
Have you heard your husband’s low opinion of himself? He can move out of it and become your anchor.
Communication After Discovery: Unlocking His Protective Behaviors
When you are not understanding each other, you might be wondering if he really is an alien.