40 search terms of betrayed partners:

• Can't eat or sleep after finding out husband cheated

• Why am I shaking uncontrollably after trauma?

• Feeling numb or detached after infidelity

• What is betrayal trauma timeline?

• How to know if a cheater is lying about the timeline?

• Do cheaters ever tell the whole truth?

• Should you sleep in separate rooms after infidelity discover?

• What is a therapeutic disclosure process?

• How to do a therapeutic disclosure infidelity?

• First steps to take after discovering a secret life

• Should I tell the other woman's husband?

• Can a sex addict change or are they narcissists?

• How to stop looping thoughts after infidelity?

• Infidelity triggers hitting out of nowhere

• Is it normal to feel rage after D-Day?

• What is trickle truth in affair recovery

• Why is he acting like the victim after cheating?

• Why does a cheater act nice then mean when caught?

• What is affair fog?

• Can a marriage survive chronic infidelity?

• Signs your husband is living a double life

• How to spot a fake apology sex addict?

• What is limerence affair recovery?

• Did he ever actually love me?

• How to stop comparing myself to the affair partner?

• What is a non-negotiable boundary list after cheating?

• Does the cheater have to go to therapy for the marriage to survive?

• How long does it take to heal from betrayal trauma?

• Why does he seem so cold and unbothered after getting caught?

• What is full disclosure vs trickle truth?

• Can an emotional affair turn back into a normal marriage?

• How to heal from a secret life discovery?

• What are the signs of genuine remorse after cheating?

• Can a sex addict heal without a 12-step program?

• Am I experiencing PTSD from my husband's affair?

• Signs he is doing recovery work vs just white knuckling

• Signs of sex addiction vs serial cheater

• Best recovery programs for unfaithful husbands

• Infidelity support groups for wives

• Ultimatum letters for cheating spouse

Why have I listed them?

Because I want to get your attention

Why? Out of the thousands of meetings I have attended, I see very few men moving out of preoccupation with self-interest and into their roles of partner, husband, father, protector, healthy community member etc.

It is really difficult for men to own up to the damage, face the results of their behavior and move into a new way of being in relationship with you.

I help and guide men get out of their preoccupation with themselves

… and into holding your anger, sadness and pain, understanding your needs, INCLUDING SAFETY and taking concrete steps toward ownership and relationship repair/renewal.

This is not your job. Delegate this work and let me. You look after your nervous system. I will look after him.

Why do they need help?

Because they are shit-scared and battling with their own wiring and nervous system under the stress of realizing what they have done and been discovered doing. Their core beliefs, their identity, how they see themselves, their default operating system developed in childhood, determine how they behave, especially under the pressure of infidelity discovery.

It’s well known that around 85% of men in treatment for addictions (and infidelity is strongly associated) come from some sort of dysfunctional upbringing. This has nothing to do with you. You did not cause any of this.

This has nothing to do with you. He had problems before you met him.

You can search for all the information you want. I have heard the 40 items listed above many times, and many more. You are battling with something that’s been running quietly in the background unseen, and it’s likely you don’t and maybe won’t understand it. However, I do.

They need to do two things at once

1. correct their wiring, their programming and

2. hold space for you while repairing or building a new relationship with you.

There is a slow track and a fast track.

Slow Track / No Track

• Go it alone, work it out for yourself

• Do the bare minimum (or less)

• Avoid anything uncomfortable

• Think about doing without doing anything

• Stay isolated

• Hope for change without any real action

Change is possible. Healing is possible.

It is not easy. It is hard.

It is not going to be a straight line.

I work with men who have been caught living secret lives. I help turn them around.

They need direction, a firm, knowledgeable guide, understanding, support and a lot of encouragement.

Most men are willing but don’t know what to do or where to start.

Go to About to read more about me.

Go to Booking to schedule an appointment for him or send him the link.

Go to Resources for a short list of books and podcasts.

Go to Action Steps if you are not yet ready to book.

Strictly Confidential.