Not a lot, but they can certainly mess you up … and your relationship.
I do not in any way mean to take pornography use or infidelity lightly. These are no joke if you are the one who has been betrayed, but I can’t help but put words to the seeming insanity that can result from drug use, validation seeking, limerence, lust, or avoidance of emotions.
The Terrible Price of Survival
In J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Firenze said:
“The blood of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips.”
The Sexual Lens and the Half-Life
Let’s talk about pornography.
I’ve read elsewhere that if money is the focus of the mind, then everything is seen through a financial lens. Everything is a gain or a loss, an asset or a liability, a postitive ROI (Return On Investment) or a negative ROI.
If sex is the focus, then everything seems to be seen through a sexual opportunity lens. Objectifying, “winning”, scoring, lusting … you get the idea. The person is not seen ... only what they have for you … what you can take from them.
The mindstate is one of being ill-at-ease and constantly on the lookout ... hungry.
Similar to drinking unicorn blood, the user will have but a half-life, a cursed life. He or she will forever be searching for that high but never quite achieving it. Soooo close, but never satisfying. Never satisfactory. A terrible price and a terrible life.
Chasing the Illusion
The trick is to see this. Like drugs, pornography and infidelity are not where it’s at. Joy does not live there. Only seeking, searching, struggle, and remorse live there. It’s never quite satisfying, and in the meantime, life passes by, friends come and go, and relationships fail.
Much like the movie Groundhog Day, where Phil Connors (played by Bill Murray) gets trapped in a time loop and relives the same day, day after day ... pornography, chasing validation, or pursuing new relationships is like this, as is using sex workers for relief.
What Will You Say on Your Deathbed?
I don’t know about you, but on my deathbed, I’d rather say:
“I have been available and present for my wife, children, and grandchildren, and my friendships have been long and strong.”
Rather than:
“I feel so empty. I’ve wasted my life chasing an illusion.”
If chasing an illusion has been your experience and you’d like to get off the vicious, painful wheel of addiction and compulsion, turn your life and relationship around, let’s talk.
👉 Book a Call with David Today
Recommended Reading & Next Steps:
- Methods of Recovery: How Broken Trust Is Actually Rebuilt — The 6-step relational reconstruction blueprint.
- Let Go or Be Dragged — Pema Chödrön’s concept of Shenpa, porn, and letting go of delusions.
- Reading the Book Doesn't Get You Off the Hook — Moving past navel-gazing and taking real action.
- Cleaning Up Your Mess: Pause the Oars, Get Quiet, Clarity Arises — Stepping off the mousewheel of distraction.